Worthy Wednesdays: Wellbeing

Issue #47 - Explore how we co-regulate with others' nervous systems and that your wellbeing is inseparable from the nervous system states around you.

💡 Your wellbeing isn't just personal, it's relational. You're constantly absorbing and transmitting nervous system states.

We talk about boundaries and self-care as if our wellbeing exists in a vacuum, but neuroscience shows us something different: our nervous systems are designed for connection, which means they’re constantly influencing and being influenced by others.

This is called co-regulation: the process by which nervous systems synchronise with each other. When you’re around someone who’s calm, your system can settle. When you’re around someone who’s anxious, your system can become activated, even if nothing in your own life has changed.

You’re not just managing your own nervous system state. You’re navigating a field of nervous system states that are constantly interacting.
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​The question to ask yourself as you notice this is: “Whose nervous system states am I absorbing, and who am I helping regulate at my own expense?”

🔄 What if your unexplained anxiety, exhaustion, or dysregulation isn't yours, it's something you're absorbing from the relational field around you?

We often pathologise our responses without considering the nervous system context we’re operating in. You might not be “too sensitive” or “not resilient enough.” You might be a highly attuned nervous system in a highly dysregulated environment.

Nervous system contagion happens through:

• Mirror neurons: Your brain literally mirrors the emotional states of people around you
• Physiological synchrony: Heart rates, breathing patterns, and cortisol levels sync up in close proximity
• Emotional labor: Trying to regulate others’ nervous systems (especially common for people socialised to caretake)
• Trauma responses: Dysregulated systems seeking regulation from regulated ones

When you understand nervous system contagion, everything changes. You stop blaming yourself for feeling anxious in certain environments and start recognising that you’re responding accurately to the nervous system field around you.

True relational wellbeing isn’t about isolating yourself, it’s about becoming conscious of whose nervous system states you’re syncing with and learning to maintain your own regulation while in connection.

🪞 Let This Land:

• Who in your life consistently leaves you feeling regulated versus dysregulated?
• Where are you unconsciously absorbing others’ nervous system states and taking them on as your own?
• In what relationships are you chronically offering regulation without receiving it in return?

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🚶‍♀️Step Forward

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🛠️ TOOL: The Nervous System Field Map

Track your nervous system responses in relational contexts:

Regulation Sources: Who or what environments help your nervous system settle and feel safe?

Dysregulation Triggers: Which people or spaces consistently activate stress responses in your body?

One-Way Regulation: Where are you constantly offering nervous system regulation to others without reciprocity?

Contagion Awareness: Can you distinguish between your own nervous system state and what you’re absorbing from others?

Conscious Co-Regulation: What does it look like to stay regulated while in proximity to dysregulation?

For each area, ask: Am I maintaining my nervous system integrity, or am I losing myself in others’ states?

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🌱 Small Challenge

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⚡ This week’s Wellbeing Move: Practice Nervous System Differentiation

Choose one relationship or environment where you typically absorb others’ nervous system states:

• Before entering: Take 2 minutes to ground in your own nervous system state. Notice your breathing, your body sensations, your energy level
• During interaction: Practice noticing when your state shifts in response to theirs without immediately trying to fix or match their dysregulation
• After exiting: Consciously release any nervous system activation you absorbed either through movement, breath, or simply acknowledging “that wasn’t mine”

The goal isn’t to stop caring or disconnect, it’s to practice staying regulated while in connection, rather than losing your regulation to help regulate others.

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​WISDOM WHISPERER​
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Why this whisper? Because Dana, a leading expert in polyvagal theory, understands that relational wellbeing requires both connection AND differentiation. You can be deeply connected to others while maintaining your own nervous system regulation, in fact, that’s the healthiest form of connection.

Your wellbeing in relationship isn’t about isolation or enmeshment, it’s about conscious co-regulation that honours both connection and sovereignty.